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on and off topic

More often than not I have a concrete outlook of what I want, armed with the rough draft in my notebook that I wrote before I sit in front of my laptop to type. The rough draft makes sure I don’t stray from my idea just work to make it better with every word I add or subtract. However for a couple of weeks, I get up with an aim to write but all I end up doing is staring at my open notebook and empty, blank screen of my laptop.

Which I have come to know is very harmful to the personal well-being and for the thing called pride. Going off topic, a very important person of my life told me and I agree fully that pride is a positive emotion whereas jealousy and vanity are negatives and for sure should always be kept far. Doing nothing is bad but being made aware every second by the blank word document is worse. A point comes when despite doing everything to get motivated you can’t seem to do the task you should be doing for your own self. When I feel disheartened I begin to question my ability which is not a good sign because I would be sadder and the cycle will continue on and on. I have a list of topics I would like to write on however words have failed me recently.
Again off topic, I have a small room 11*6 feet when I am uncertain or disturbed, with music playing; I

  1. reorganize my room
  2. reorganize my almari (wardrobe )
  3. refashion my clothes
  4. make art and crafts.

I just need to do one of the above like by reorganizing my room I somehow reorganize my haphazard thoughts. What do you do to help the mental or emotional aspect of yourself??? Just doing one of the above has always been enough to stabilize and push my thoughts back on track and break through the wall of procrastination but not this time everything is done yet I can’t seem to perform my day the way I want sometimes I just think I am lazy then again I quickly dismiss that stupid negative thought.
Writing is very important for me I cannot emphasize on this point enough. It is not just as a way of self-expression for me but my identity, a source of pride and happiness for my family after I became disabled my life took a completely different path and writing for me became that shining pearl in the setting sun, one was never enough.
Again going off topic but does this writing have any topic, thank you for reading this nonsense as I thought just now to dump all my all my clothes from my almari and rearrange it again.. maybe I’ll invent a new me.

5 thoughts on “on and off topic

  1. albert says:

    Here’s an idea that I took from a monk’s writing about prayer and adapted it to writing: put your pen on the page and write short sentences, anything that comes to mind; and if nothing comes to mind, write from memory phrases from a poem or or other things you have read or heard that stayed with you; the important thing is not to take your pen off the page or even stop to think (thinking often hinders inspiration). I’ll bet that after an hour of this, your pen will have led you to places you really want to go but don’t “know” it. But if not, if it seems there is only gibberish on the page, don’t throw it away; the next day you might see something there that came from beyond and now makes its presence felt. Try it. Try letting the room of your mind– no, I mean your spirit– rearrange itself.

    Of course the other possibility is that you spend too much time there (in both rooms). If that’s the case, do what artist’s and saints have done: look closely at objects or persons, see the mystery there and try to recreate, or at least copy it.

    Easy for me to say, right? Or as we often say, easier said than done. And by the way, I did like what you write here. I could have written it myself, though probably not as memorably.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Srijana says:

      I will surely give a try to your suggestion an honest try and I didn’t explain it but it’s a small cupboard(almira) in a small room but it’s true I spend a lot of time here ,Thank you Albert😊


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