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on and off topic

More often than not I have a concrete outlook of what I want, armed with the rough draft in my notebook that I wrote before I sit in front of my laptop to type. The rough draft makes sure I don’t stray from my idea just work to make it better with every word I add or subtract. However for a couple of weeks, I get up with an aim to write but all I end up doing is staring at my open notebook and empty, blank screen of my laptop.

Which I have come to know is very harmful to the personal well-being and for the thing called pride. Going off topic, a very important person of my life told me and I agree fully that pride is a positive emotion whereas jealousy and vanity are negatives and for sure should always be kept far. Doing nothing is bad but being made aware every second by the blank word document is worse. A point comes when despite doing everything to get motivated you can’t seem to do the task you should be doing for your own self. When I feel disheartened I begin to question my ability which is not a good sign because I would be sadder and the cycle will continue on and on. I have a list of topics I would like to write on however words have failed me recently.
Again off topic, I have a small room 11*6 feet when I am uncertain or disturbed, with music playing; I

  1. reorganize my room
  2. reorganize my almari (wardrobe )
  3. refashion my clothes
  4. make art and crafts.

I just need to do one of the above like by reorganizing my room I somehow reorganize my haphazard thoughts. What do you do to help the mental or emotional aspect of yourself??? Just doing one of the above has always been enough to stabilize and push my thoughts back on track and break through the wall of procrastination but not this time everything is done yet I can’t seem to perform my day the way I want sometimes I just think I am lazy then again I quickly dismiss that stupid negative thought.
Writing is very important for me I cannot emphasize on this point enough. It is not just as a way of self-expression for me but my identity, a source of pride and happiness for my family after I became disabled my life took a completely different path and writing for me became that shining pearl in the setting sun, one was never enough.
Again going off topic but does this writing have any topic, thank you for reading this nonsense as I thought just now to dump all my all my clothes from my almari and rearrange it again.. maybe I’ll invent a new me.

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girl coverd in color staring blankly ahead

The Queer journey of life

 

Life was simple then. There was no need to be happy or sad after all we were all just kids. Friendship knew no boundaries – rich, poor, caste, colour or disabilities. A mere rupee was not just a rupee but the cause of smiles worth millions. A building or a tree was just not what it seemed or intended for, maybe it was a haunted castle, a witch or an unconquerable mountain everything depended on how vast the imagination was. A rustle of the leaf could be the beginning of invention of horrific stories and proven facts would be mostly denied on a whim. Everything the grownups did was weird for they were stuck up weirdoes. Everything and every job were awesome, all was easy and attainable. There was no care; life was easy, fun for we were kids then unknown to what the future brings. Continue reading

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Charmer of Words

 The one beauty of writing is rather than painting a full picture with words and telling a tale it lets the Reader imagine. There is always room to add and subtract for now the reins of interpretation is no longer remain in the hands of the author.

  With each new reader it becomes more than a beautiful  just a combination of words or just another story the author intends to tell but with each reader it takes a different form, it tells a new story; story said not just by the words but by the emotion of the unwritten words which just suggests their presence.

 Maybe that’s why written words never grow’s old; it only begins to tell a new story. Continue reading

white rose and two books

Rose a story

In life we meet many people hear their very different stories while doing so unknowingly we become a passive yet a very active character in their story. Some stories are complete and come with a moral; some are patiently helping other stories to be complete or are just as many things life incomplete.

My name is Rose and this is my story, one of my many stories of life. I think it was in my destiny to wither when my parents named me Rose, a flower of so many colors and character nevertheless a very delicate and fragile flower. Continue reading

of promise and posts

When I began writing here I promised myself I will write and post once every week but the past couple of months I haven’t upheld my own word. I wouldn’t be telling a lie if the reason asked for the late post would be one of the following. 

  • There were guests in my house so I pretty busy. 
  • I had to get a lot of documentation ready so it was Search, search and more search.

(A person can have happy delusion…right)
Continue reading

can’t cook, won’t cook

Let me tell you about me when hungry I don’t like cooking I just raid the fridge and eat whatever I find bread, some salad, cheese, chocolates anything and if there is nothing I would rather go to the store to buy chips.

I wish I could cook… but…“I don’t know how to cook” but I am learning to sincerely, ask youtube, my trusty instructor, however only if and when I am in the mood to. Continue reading

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Saraswati Puja and making friends

Will you be my friend? Let’s play together or else saying can I share your toys; I gather that’s how you make friends as a child I never had to do it consciously because no introduction or formality was required of “us” living in the paradox of insider and outsider. Though the friendship of such kind never existed beyond that of playmates for which I am entirely to blame. Nonetheless, I never had a shortage of friends. Continue reading

i belive but do you?

 

I believe in Fairy-tales, on fairies, on magic on monsters………………….

I am naive you may think, not accepting reality. I think so too! how dare I believe in something totally spun out of imagination. They for sure are children stories and I am an adult, how ridiculous would it be if a twenty-year-old told you they still believe in Santa wholeheartedly despite knowing the truth since he was 3 yrs old. Continue reading

imaginary “real” friends

 

When I held it in hands I could not believe it nor could the fuzzy, funny feeling in the pit of the stomach stop and as I opened it a familiar air engulfed me …a feeling of warmth tugged my heart in this brutal winter air. Long-lost friends met again, going together on an old route of laughter. Continue reading

#my story

 

There are numerous benefits of education and equally many critics exist too but that’s the discussion I will gladly leave out today. Today I will only acknowledge the good of education, especially in my context. At the time I fell ill and realized I had now to live with a disability; I had only completed 12 Std and was preparing for the medical entrance examination. My confidence, self-esteem, self-image was all time low. Continue reading

Every dog has its day

In Nepal, the festival of light also known as Diwali is called Tihar. Similar to other Diwali observances, lamps are lit at night during Tihar, but it also has its observances that make our’s so unique. The festival of lights celebrates the triumph of light over darkness, of knowledge over ignorance, and the dissolution of barriers that separate humans from the authentic experience of the world. Nepalese Hinduism is unique in dedicating the second day of Tihar, Kukur Tihar, to the worship of dogs. Continue reading

gender perspictive on development-a thought

Simone Lucie Ernestine Marie Bertrand de Beauvoir a French writer, intellectual, existentialist philosopher, political activist, feminist and social theorist. She wrote in her book “ The second sex”  “….one is not born rather becomes a woman …it  is the civilization as a whole that produces this creature intermediate between male and eunuch, which is described as feminine “ Continue reading

all about me

 

That’s Dorian Grey?  It’s the 100th time now, said my friend with very apparent exaggeration and a genuine look of disgust. This, however, was a ruse to recommend me the latest book she was reading, a love story, “Me before you” by Jojo Moyes. I don’t mind rereading and genres don’t concern me. Hence I thought I’d give it a chance but I don’t trust her taste therefore when it wasn’t available for free on the world wide web and with talks going on for turning it into a movie I skipped buying it telling her I’ll watch the movie and telling myself I’ll hold on to my money for now.

That was in 2013 and I had forgotten all about it until one fine day in 2017 the internet informed me of the movie and I watched it. Continue reading

dead

 

It’s always hard trying to come to terms with it, once a person is born Death is decided we know the truth of the mortal nevertheless we cry,  grief,  tears it’s the love we give but the other can’t receive in spite knowing it all each Death we see is difficult even if its 100th   we’ve encountered.

 We ask questions beginning or with sentences ending with why as we struggle to breathe. We often weep in despair, silently: sometimes offering ourselves as the replacement because a life without them is unimaginable. A heart raging in the fire of questions with tears that hurt with the flow; later the same heart tries to console. Continue reading

Dignified & Correct terminologies- words are powerful

Words have an immense power they can easily make or break a person. A word is very powerful and we often underestimate its power.
Of late I have been reading a lot of blogs describing people with disability as “differently able” which angers me a lot because I want to be referred to as person first not different because I have a disability. This is my opinion and opinions are not facts that can’t be proved wrong. Continue reading